out of control

when i have time to sleep, i can't fall alseep
when i don't have time to sleep, i am dead tired and sleepy

when i am behind of work schedule, i am lost
when i am caught up with work schedule, i am still lost

when i care, i get dissspoint
when i try not to care, i get recalls

everything is out of control.

there is no miracle or luck.
at least they will never lay on me.
whatever i want, i need to work ten times harder to get it, or very likely still won't get it.